When starting out with wedding planning, I had always known about the wedding industry and the markup that comes with anything associated with it. For example, you want cute little cupcakes with vanilla buttercream for your birthday? No problem, $3 a piece. You want those same cupcakes for your wedding dessert? They suddenly are now $3.50 a piece, have a $20 delivery charge, $10 fuel charge and also incur a $1.50 “cake cutting fee” at most venues (and yes, this does actually exist for anyone who has not been involved in wedding planning).

After moments like, it’s enough to send any couple running for the courthouse saying “screw it” with a sour taste in their mouths about the wedding industry. I know when I mentioned this to @Warrior03418, his eyes just about popped out and his desire to elope increased by about 500%.

And the cupcake examples is just the tip of the wedding iceberg.

The wedding industry is roughly a $60 billion industry that employs nearly a million people according to a 2009 national study. Some experts are saying to add another $3 billion to that number now that gay marriages have been legalized and introduce thousands of new weddings each year.

With the average wedding these days is running between $18,000 and $28,000, depending on location and number of guests, it’s daunting to think about jumping in feet first into wedding planning. Which is unfortunately what we’re pretty much forced to do.

So here’s some advice I’d give to anyone starting out based on my experience in the first few months of planning my own wedding:

Don’t base your budget on what others spend.

Which can be hard, I get that. Because this isn’t just your basic party and more of a one-shot deal, you are mostly in the dark for what to expect for numbers and amounts. While parents will try to be helpful, comparing costs from a 2016 wedding to one that was 30 years ago, just won’t quite add up. Which leaves most couples comparing to averages published (mainly by wedding industry giants like The Knot) or inquiring with friends who have already gone through the process.

Do your research.

One way to beat the wedding machine is to find ways around it. Do you have family friends who have connections to bakers or florists that could possibly help out? Find venues that either have catering options in-house, or even better, have both a chef and baker (which is what I lucked out on!). Finding gems like this can help you cut out those pesky costs that other venues and companies might charge for.

Don’t let it get overwhelming.

And it will. But just step back, take a breath and try to remember that at the end of your wedding day, if you married the person you love, nothing else will matter. Between all the emails back and forth, meetings with potential vendors, deadlines for proposals and payments, and the supposed 12 months they tell you that you need when ordering a wedding dress, you will get stressed and overwhelmed at some point or another. I know this because I am experience that right now. I’ve been on the constant go of planning since my engagement, 3 months straight now and some sort of planning and organizing going on almost every day. And its a lot.

Don’t forget that this is also their careers.

Sometimes when you’re looking at the cost of delivery fees, fuel charges, deadlines for proposals, labor costs, and everything else, you have to remember that this is someone’s livelihood. And with a wedding it typically means that they’ll be working on a weekend, dealing with your frantic calls about whether or not you really want ivory roses in the medium sized centerpieces. And then factor in that they’ll be doing this for dozens of other couples at the same time. For me, I’ve been choosing to go with some more local and small-sized or independent vendors. Seeing the person who will be personally crafting your bridal bouquet and seeing how excited they get about putting together something that they know will be so special to you, makes those pesky “extra costs” worth it.

Don’t be afraid to buy used.

Eew, really, a used wedding dress? But it won’t be all special and new and shiny. WRONG. This is just a big myth that the industry has perpetuated through the media. In fact, most used wedding dresses that you can buy through a consignment shop or online services have been handpicked and looked over for staining, rips or tears, and are for the most, the exact same styles that bridal stores are carrying since they know that they won’t be able to sell a dress that’s 4 seasons old. And even better? A majority of these dresses are just the sample dresses that bridal stores have either sold off to make room for new dresses or need to get rid of if they’re closing. Still feel like you don’t trust a consignment shop? Many bridal stores will allow you to buy the sample dress you just tried on, right off the rack for a discounted price. Just like that. $300 cheaper and dress in hand. With these savings, you can either save the money for the honeymoon, or put it into some extra embellishments for the dress like beaded appliques or a belt. Bottom line, don’t be afraid to venture into some of these stores and see what they have. I promise, nobody will noticed if you’re wearing a brand new dress or one that a few other girls might’ve tried on.

Don’t be afraid to ask.

Many vendors will be able to be flexible on certain things in their service. For example, many florists will include the vase rental in their bids, but a lot of them will allow you to provide those items, reducing your overall costs. In fact, I asked my florists if she could order basic stems of hydrangea’s for me to be able to put together my own small arrangements for the extra spaces like the bathrooms, bartops and outdoor tables. All you have to do is ask.

Overall, don’t let the wedding industry get you down or frustrated. Just remember to keep it simple, do some research, ask as many questions as possible and breathe. And if you ever get stuck or incredibly frustrated, just head to the internet. For every issue you’ve had, about a thousand other brides have probably also experienced. There might be articles, blog posts or forums where you can find answers or get new ideas and ways to skirt around the annoyances of the wedding industry.